Ever Forget to Shave?

Forgetting to shave is one of those things that are way up there on the embarrassment scale for me. It seems like it must happen to everyone but I never notice anyone else having a nervous breakdown because of it. Thankfully it doesn’t happen all that often. I think that’s due to the fact that I have a very strict shower routine-get wet, shampoo, while the shampoo sits (I think it’s more effective if I leave it in longer?) I shave my pits and wash my face, rinse everything, conditioner and I wash the rest of me while the conditioner sits, then rinse again. So I don’t usually forget to shave all that often. Once a year usually.

But that one time is enough to mortify me. I feel like crawling in a whole and dying every time it happens. Or going home sick from work. Before anyone notices.

Butt Plugs, Anal Sex and All That Jazz

So the next time Kenya and I were rolling around in the sack he wanted to try out the toys and I still wasn’t comfortable with the idea.

“Where are the toys?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

12 Years After I Start Having Sex and I Get to Orgasm 2

He wanted to see the sex toys I bought, I didn’t want to show him. Seems kind of counterproductive, doesn’t it? Like I bought them to use, right? With Kenya, while we were having sex. But I didn’t want him to see them. I didn’t know what he would think. I thought maybe if he saw them (I don’t know how we were supposed to use them without him seeing them) he wouldn’t want to use them and then there would be no chance, ever, of orgasming.

12 Years After I Start Having Sex and I Get to Orgasm

I’ve always had a couple of obsessions when it came to porn. I was predisposed to watching porno of the threesomes, rape and anal. I decided that it might be best, because thinking about/watching that is what gets me off, to explore one of the three areas a little. Obviously rape is out of the question (I was thinking it might be a little dangerous) and I had already passed up one chance for a threesome (plus that just seemed weird, considering). So that only left one avenue-anal.

I wasn’t exactly ready to jump into the anal thing entirely and just yell “fuck me in the ass” while Kenya and I were having sex. The main reason being my huge fear of the inevitiable owwwie that was coming my way if I let him stick his peen in my unprepared butt.

So I started the search for sex toy shops.

Second Time’s a Charm?

So things ended with the Romanian after like a month or two. It was great meeting someone that a) realized I wasn’t having an orgasm and b) wanted to help with that, but it wasn’t worth the sexual pressure that was coming with it. I just felt like he was too high strung about my having an orgasm and having a threesome with his cousin. He was too weird.

Jump ahead with me a few months to meeting another foreigner.

My Secret Is Out 2

The most frustrating thing about a guy finally finding out is that I never could orgasm with him. At all. I wasn’t even feeling close to it for god’s sake. Sometimes, with certain guys, I would feel like I was  on the brink and just couldn’t get over. Not at all with him.

Part of the problem was that he said he would try anything. Like what? I’ve had sex in every conceivable position and that does nothing. What else can you try?

The only thing that I could really think of doing was touching myself while he fucked me. It seemed like it worked when I was alone so it should work with a dick inside me. It worked about as well as it did the last time I tried it-it didn’t.

My Secret Is Out

I was 27 (almost 28) before I finally met a guy, had sex, and had him ask me why I didn’t orgasm. I was floored, let me tell you. I had been having sex for almost 12 years at this point and no one had ever asked, so for all I know, no one had ever noticed.

He was a year older than me, we shared the same first name. (My parents, who I despise for this, gave me sexually androgynous first and middle names. I have met two guys and two girls with my first name. It’s obviously not a very common name either. My brothers have simple, common names like Chris and Shawn. I think they hated me from birth.)

Let’s Talk About Sex 2

Something that used to amaze me but doesn’t anymore is that (most) guys can’t tell at all that you’re faking it. It doesn’t surprise me anymore because I’m now convinced that most men haven’t seen a woman have an orgasm. Ever.

I don’t know what anyone else’s orgasm is like, but mine is definitely not porno worthy. And they’re faking it (I assume) in porno so that’s no guide either.

Let’s Talk About Sex

No one talks about sex, not really, not honestly. I thought I was the only one not enjoying it for a long time. I think that the internet is where I learned that there are other people like me-women who were not really enjoying sex, who were faking it. It’s a self-defeating cycle that is difficult to break no matter how badly you want to break away from it.

And did I ever want to break away. I kept telling myself after every relationship ended that I would talk about it with the next guy and break the cycle. Sex is depressing when you don’t orgasm.  Sex became a weekly chore that I dreaded. In the end, I felt like a cum dumpster because I wasn’t having an orgasm. I had no one to blame but myself.

I always wanted it over with as quickly as possible, hence the faking it. If a guy thinks you’re done he tends to get off quicker.

The Worst Sexual Experience in My Life

Part of the problem was the duration of the relationship. If I hadn’t been living there, this would have ended up as a one-night stand. I tried to convince myself that I could get past it and to not be superficial. I felt like I was being superficial if I admitted to myself that I didn’t like him. When you don’t like someone for a variety of reasons, it stops being superficial. I learned to recognize the difference in this relationship.

We couldn’t talk about sex at all. It was as if he tried convincing himself that we weren’t having sex. That sex didn’t exist. I don’t know what his parents said to him, but I think he had some sort of guilt complex about having sex.