Upon entering a single-stall public restroom, your first order of business should be to lock the door behind you. You know, to prevent other people from barging in on you and see you doing your business. It’s embarrassing for both parties when something like that happens. Especially when you can both clearly see who the other party is.
Tag Archive: bodily functions
For some reason I’ve been thinking a lot about public bathrooms lately. I think work inspires me to write about them. It did today anyway.
I have certain weirdnesses with public bathrooms. I like them, and all, considering I won’t go to the bathroom (number 2) at my friends house if they’re home/awake/in the house. But I hate bathroom talkers.
I am the queen of public restrooms. (That doesn’t sound like a good thing, does it?) Being afraid of someone (that I know) hearing me in the bathroom has led me down this path. I would rather use a dirty public restroom than one at my friends house if poo is involved. I don’t care if people that I don’t know can hear/smell everything. They are not important.
So after wearing my diaper all day, I got home and was going to swap it for a tampon. I reach for that box of tampons on the top shelf in the bathroom and…the fucking thing is empty. What retard puts an empty box of tampons back on the shelf so I would assume there were actual tampons in the box?
Oh, that must be me because I doubt my husband uses very many of them and he’s the only other person in the apartment.
So I got my period at work today. It was great because it meant I had avoided the pregnancy virus that seems to be going around lately. It was terrible because there were no tampons in the bathroom. There were, however, pads. I’m not a big fan of the pad because it makes me feel like I’m wearing a diaper.
So I had a big decision to make-feel disgusted while wearing a diaper or go out and brave getting tampons.
So the next logical step after blug plugs is anal sex, right? No, not quite. Ouch.
We still don’t use the butt plug very often. It still feels weird to me to stop the action, find the damn thing, locate the lube and then go at it again. I prefer his fingers. They’re right there, he always knows where they are. It just feels more natural, in a body parts versus plastic kind of way.
He wanted to see the sex toys I bought, I didn’t want to show him. Seems kind of counterproductive, doesn’t it? Like I bought them to use, right? With Kenya, while we were having sex. But I didn’t want him to see them. I didn’t know what he would think. I thought maybe if he saw them (I don’t know how we were supposed to use them without him seeing them) he wouldn’t want to use them and then there would be no chance, ever, of orgasming.
The other thing that guys can get away with in a way that girls cannot is all manner of bodily functions. Burping, farting and pooping are all boys territories. I have bodily functions too, but mine are apparently supposed to be private.
There is a guy that I work with that will come out of an aisle at the pharmacy and say “don’t go down there, I just went in there to fart.” I couldn’t even imagine telling someone that! We rearranged our setup at one point and got rid of three aisles. His response was “the B aisle was the farting aisle. Now where am I supposed to fart?”
I think that being a boy would be so much easier. And Funner. Putting aside sucky girl things like my period, the need to wear pantyhose, high heels, and makeup is just the icing on the cake. Having an orgasm virtually every time you have sex from the first moment you have sex is just the beginning of a guy’s lucky streak.
I would love to be able to pee standing up. To not have to check every bathroom stall for two things-urine on the seat and a ready supply of tp. (I learned during college to always check this before getting started. Twice I went into a stall that lacked tp. One time I had to drip dry while I ran to the stall next door to steal the coveted tp. The other time I practically dislocated my shoulder because the dispenser was almost reachable from a seated position.)
