I still remember my first wee one.
It was a guy that I worked with and had known for about 6 months before I was single enough to have sex with him. He was short (shorter than I am and I’m 5’6″), cute and looked a lot younger than he was (he was almost twice my 19 years).
We went on a few dates, he wasn’t pushy, and I liked him. So when he invited me over for a home cooked meal after work one day I accepted knowing what I was probably getting myself into.
Except it’s not the best, it never is. But I like the taste of their fake hamburgers. What I don’t like is their mustard application.
I like condiments, lots of them. On everything. For every occasion. As a child I used to eat Miracle Whip (hate mayo) sandwiches. Just Miracle Whip on white bread. My mother would sometimes catch me doing this and make me put something on it-cheese and ham. I would then put so much Miracle Whip on it that it would squirt out the sides. All I want to taste is condiments.
I was at my mom’s recently and I asked her whether she had had an epidural when she gave birth to me and my siblings. She told me that she didn’t remember. I’m like ‘huh? How do you forget something like that?’ I asked her whether it hurt. She told me that, again, she didn’t remember.
I think I would remember something larger than a football coming out of my crotch. I think I would remember whether it hurt or not. Maybe that’s just me.
Another food related problem that I have is that I lack table manners. Even basic table manners are beyond my family. My grandmother has used the word “vultures” to describe our eating habits. If you ate dinner with us, you’d think we were raised by wolves in the wild. I hate eating in front of people for this reason. I have no idea what to do with myself and just try to follow what other people are doing.
It’s funny how things I learned in childhood never really left me. They become ingrained into who I am. I didn’t even realize how weird I was until I got older and moved out. Until I was exposed to people besides my family (who have the same bad habits I do).
