I’m not really all that into morning sex. I never have been. There are times when it works out and I cum, but that’s only when he wakes up with a raging hard-on and I think ‘oh, that’s interesting, wonder what we could do with that’. If we’ve been laying around in bed for awhile, talking and it feels even remotely forced (like in a ‘we could have sex maybe’ kind of way not in a rapey kind of way), then I’m more like ‘meh, whatever.’
Most of the time, morning sex makes me go ewww.
Even though I can have an orgasm now, I don’t always get to have one. There are a lot of external factors that seem to influence my bodies willingness to get off. Most of these reasons have to do with my perception, because my perception is my reality after all.
I used to get very angry, with myself and Kenya (otherwise known as Husband) when I didn’t get off. It left me feeling used, like he didn’t try hard enough. There would be times where I was so close and so frustrated because it didn’t seem like it was going to happen, and then he would stop. Just. Like. That. I’d get pissed, we’d fight.
So the next time Kenya and I were rolling around in the sack he wanted to try out the toys and I still wasn’t comfortable with the idea.
“Where are the toys?”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?”
He wanted to see the sex toys I bought, I didn’t want to show him. Seems kind of counterproductive, doesn’t it? Like I bought them to use, right? With Kenya, while we were having sex. But I didn’t want him to see them. I didn’t know what he would think. I thought maybe if he saw them (I don’t know how we were supposed to use them without him seeing them) he wouldn’t want to use them and then there would be no chance, ever, of orgasming.
I’ve always had a couple of obsessions when it came to porn. I was predisposed to watching porno of the threesomes, rape and anal. I decided that it might be best, because thinking about/watching that is what gets me off, to explore one of the three areas a little. Obviously rape is out of the question (I was thinking it might be a little dangerous) and I had already passed up one chance for a threesome (plus that just seemed weird, considering). So that only left one avenue-anal.
I wasn’t exactly ready to jump into the anal thing entirely and just yell “fuck me in the ass” while Kenya and I were having sex. The main reason being my huge fear of the inevitiable owwwie that was coming my way if I let him stick his peen in my unprepared butt.
So I started the search for sex toy shops.
So things ended with the Romanian after like a month or two. It was great meeting someone that a) realized I wasn’t having an orgasm and b) wanted to help with that, but it wasn’t worth the sexual pressure that was coming with it. I just felt like he was too high strung about my having an orgasm and having a threesome with his cousin. He was too weird.
Jump ahead with me a few months to meeting another foreigner.
The most frustrating thing about a guy finally finding out is that I never could orgasm with him. At all. I wasn’t even feeling close to it for god’s sake. Sometimes, with certain guys, I would feel like I was on the brink and just couldn’t get over. Not at all with him.
Part of the problem was that he said he would try anything. Like what? I’ve had sex in every conceivable position and that does nothing. What else can you try?
The only thing that I could really think of doing was touching myself while he fucked me. It seemed like it worked when I was alone so it should work with a dick inside me. It worked about as well as it did the last time I tried it-it didn’t.
I was 27 (almost 28) before I finally met a guy, had sex, and had him ask me why I didn’t orgasm. I was floored, let me tell you. I had been having sex for almost 12 years at this point and no one had ever asked, so for all I know, no one had ever noticed.
He was a year older than me, we shared the same first name. (My parents, who I despise for this, gave me sexually androgynous first and middle names. I have met two guys and two girls with my first name. It’s obviously not a very common name either. My brothers have simple, common names like Chris and Shawn. I think they hated me from birth.) View full article »
