I can’t say that I was shocked by the news that she wanted me to have an abortion.I knew from the beginning that she didn’t want me to have it. I think that was the reason we went to my grandparents. She knew how he would react. (I later found out that she went through the same thing with him when she found out she was pregnant with me, except that she was 19 at the time. He also made her marry my father. But that is a whole nother story.) Then she could use his reaction to push me into doing it her way.
Tag Archive: pregnancy
My father, like always, had very little to say about it. I don’t remember him actually talking about the fact that I was pregnant at all. He left the raising of the children up to my mother. My mother was the disciplinarian, my father was the jokster.
My conservative grandparents were a while nother story. I came home from school one day, maybe a week or two after she found out, and she said that we were going to my grandparents house. To tell them.
My mother was mean and yelling was a hobby for her. My mother either whispers or she yells, there is no in between with her. It just always seemed like she was pissed at us and we were always doing something (or everything) wrong. She is a lot more pleasant to be around now that I don’t live with her. I think the stress of raising four monster kids just made her especially evil.
She found out that I was pregnant, I did not tell her. That pissed her off even more. You see, everyone at school knew I was pregnant and my classmate’s mother worked with my mother. So I came home from school one day and had a not so fun conversation with my enraged mother.
One of the first things I learned about sex is that it hurts and not just for the first time. It hurt for about the first 6 months. The pain was not unbearable like it was when I lost my virginity, but I was not comfortable either. Maybe if I had been having sex more consistently, the pain would have stopped sooner.
I was convinced that God hated me. (I was still an idealistic, liberal child at this point. Life and the world in general had not yet corrupted me. I still believed in the existence of God, heaven and the welfare state when I was sixteen years old. I don’t know exactly when I became so jaded, I only know that it is where I am now.) I was being punished, by God, for my premarital sex.
My parents never sat down and had the talk about the birds and the bees with me . They probably assumed we were taught it in school or that I’d figure it out on my own. I don’t think I ever asked where babies came from. I knew they came from my mother because she’d get fat and go to the hospital and come home with yet another monster child to add to her growing collection. I assumed that the belly button opened up and the doctor took the baby, that she had been growing in her stomach, out. I know I was 10 when we had this class and I still can’t believe how incredibly naive I was. (I would swear that I had watched many hours of porn by this age, but maybe not? Maybe I started my ongoing addiction to porn shortly after this?)
